Days 125-126 – A free pass for my birthday

6 05 2010

I have to admit – I am sick of running right now. After logging over 280 miles this year, I have suddenly lost my desire to get out there, and I’m just ready for a break beyond the Classical Stretch I did yesterday.

Today — a windy, chilly, drizzly day — I forced myself into running tights and planned to do 6 miles. After 3 miles my blood sugar was dropping — near 60 — so I cut it short at 3 miles. Tired of pushing my blood sugar up quickly enough to run more miles in my short afternoon while the kids are at school. Is this burnout? Just 10 days before the race? I know I will get back into my groove…

But I’ve been thinking lately how nice it would be if — for just one day — I could give back my diabetes, take a vacation from it, leave it with grandparents and get a long overdue break. Would I remember how to eat willy-nilly, whenever and whatever I wanted without estimating the carbs or pushing buttons on my insulin pump? Could I really eat pizza or a slice of birthday cake without worrying about how tired it would make me later when my blood sugar rose? (Because I rarely estimate enough carbs for those treats).

Without my pump on, I could wear a very fitted dress — the one I always avoid in the dressing room…I could jump into the pool on a whim and not flinch when someone hugged me — in fear they might knock it off my waist. Would I feel like I was missing a part of me without it on?

I don’t feel sorry for myself very often. But Type 1 diabetes is with you 24/7. There’s never a snack or a walk in the park that doesn’t impact your body and require you to make adjustments. And I think I’m tired of how much work it is to run 13.1 miles with it. Almost always I don’t think about this…I let it inspire me to fight back and prove it can’t limit me. Deep down, I know I am blessed with many, many amazing people and good fortune in my life — including the technology and doctors that make managing Type 1 a realistic pursuit. And there are so many more tragic diseases I suspect are much harder to live with. Or that you don’t get to live with.

But I still crave just one free pass…and one chance to remember freedoms long forgotten over 28 years. Can I have that for my 40th birthday please? The day of the half marathon would be perfect — when running those miles would be so much easier without the extra weight.




5 responses

6 05 2010

I wish you could have a pass too! You handle your diabetes with such grace and ease that I often forget that you are dealing with it all the time. Between work, kids and diabetes you could have found so many reasons to change your mind about this race. I’m so proud of your conviction and commitment! Love ya!

6 05 2010

Thanks Jo – I know you would hold my diabetes and my pump for me in the cheering section if you could : ) Your support is worth more than you know!

7 05 2010

I wish you could have a pass too! Come run the Parkersburg Half, and I’ll carry your food and water for you! It only seems fair since I haven’t had to worry about such things, in spite of knowingly eating food that is way bad for me, and drinking more than I should. Reading about your extra challenges in training makes me appreciate what I have, and inspires me to take better care of myself nutritionally. As for the burnout, and how much your long run wiped you out – I felt the same way when I ran the longer runs training for the half last year. I also ran the full distance 2 or 3 weeks before the race. I took a few days off after each long run, because I was soooo tired and run-down. The good news is that it does get easier! In training for my recent 10 mile, the 8 and 9 mile runs didn’t have the same lingering effect. Hang in there! You are going to have a perfect run on race day!

7 05 2010

Thanks Christy : ) It is so encouraging to hear that you did the full half in training and felt the same way. I wasn’t expecting that at all!

14 05 2010

If I could, I would give you that pass! I promise, If I ever win the lottery or come up with some great invention like the snuggie and make trillions of dollars…I will donate a great portion of it (after I take us on a fabulous vacation and buy us all homes in Vail ) to fighting diabetes:-) I would make you my spokesperson and we would travel the world to find a cure. Maybe Oprah would let us come on her show or even better, Ellen! I love that chick…I am not gay by any means but if I were, I think Ellen and I would be a great match! Anyway, I love you and I wish I were going to be there Sunday to cheer you on! I know you will kick ass like you always do:-) Make sure that JoAnna drives you in the green bus…..that always pumped me up!

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